There are unique issues that must be dealt with at various ages. When we get older, we have our own unique challenges when our relationship ends. What older relationship and breaking up challenges are you likely to face and what is the best way to get past them?
No matter the age or what stage of life you are in, there is always pain associated with losing someone you care about. Whether that loss is due to a move, a death or just a break up it is painful.
With an older relationship and breaking up there are certain advantages (believe it or not) and disadvantages. Here are some of each and the best way to deal with them:
1. One of the most obvious advantages in being able to deal with the pain of a break up when you are older is that often by this time in your life you have already had some experience in dealing with loss.
Depending on your age and your life experience most people have had at least a romantic breakup and possibly even a death that they have had to work through.
While this doesn’t sound like a good thing or an advantage in a way it can be. As older adults we have been through painful loss before and the one big advantage we have over someone younger and less experienced is that we know from personal experience that it can and will get better with time.
True, that time frame will stink and it will still be painful, but we have the past experiences and the knowledge to fall back on. Someone younger just doesn’t have that so they will be more disbelieving that their life will ever be good again.
So even though the pain is not less, the experience of age can help us deal with the pain since we know from past experience that “this too shall pass”.
2. One of the major “cons” about a late in life breakup is that we know that the number of days still ahead of us may be less than the number of days behind us. We know that the potential dating pool is dwindling and we may find ourselves feeling more desperate.
This fear of being alone late in life may make us more vulnerable to staying in a bad relationship long after we know it’s time to move on.
3. Another point that can be both pro or con depending on your family, is the issue of grown children and their input in our dating lives. Our kids may have strong ideas of what our dating life should, or shouldn’t be. This can be particularly true after a divorce.
It’s sad to say but even grown children can be pretty selfish. We would like to think that they would outgrow that tendency but not all do, especially when it comes time for mom or dad to start dating again after the divorce.
Sometimes our grown children have just as much difficulty accepting divorce as younger children do and they will be very difficult and belligerent to the idea of their parents dating again.
If this happens your best bet is to talk to your kids like the adults they are. Tell them that you understand that this may all seem “weird” to them but that your marriage to their other parent is over and you don’t want to be lonely or spend the rest of your life alone.
It’s best if you allow a fairly significant amount of time to go by either before you start to date, or before you let your kids know you are dating. But beyond that you have a right to be happy. You’ve done your job and raised your kids, now it’s your turn.
There can be unique challenges associated with older relationship and breaking up. Especially once we get past the “breaking up” stage and try to move into the “moving on” stage.